One day I'll be a success like this guy. One day I'll own Park Place AND Boardwalk!
I'm just kidding there's no way I'm that far up my own ass. I am awesome though and have had some success lately. For one my debut short film "Shotgun Wedding" starring Jeff Castle and Courtney Thomas (go ahead and IMDB them now) was shot against all odds.
I have some unbelievable stories from that but will save most of it for the DVD commentary. One instance is that I didn't have an actress as of 9:30 the night before the shoot but showed up at Courtney's back porch with my production manager that had not spoken to her for more than a year to pitch the film to her. It was a one in a million shot and she was perfect. How's that for a Hollywood moment?
Another reason is I started a 50 hour a week job at a TV show. I've decided not to write about this job. The blog posts from me working at AFV are pretty hysterical ( ex. falling on my ass talking about lesbian strippers to Tom Bergeron) but this is a little more serious than that (no offense to America's Funniest Videos) so it's best we leave that where it is.
I also got a gig writing for Kush LA Magazine. If you live in Los Angeles County please pick up a copy at your local 7/11 or Whole Foods! I've been looking to get more copies and have had great difficulty so if you haven't gotten yours yet, stop reading and go get a fucking copy.
If you don't live in Los Angeles then don't feel rushed just go to www.dailybuds.com and read the article online. I've got pg. 76-77.
Ok now with all the shameless self promotion bull shit aside let's get to some fun!
I was working my mind grapes around today trying to think of a wonderfully ridiculous story I could share. Overwhelmed with my recent good tidings I couldn't help but reminisce on some of my greatest achievements. Granted, my idea of an accomplishment my vary drastically than your average chap.
But then again your average chap is not "Fro-Spotted"
I began to jot down some of my fondest memories over the years during my lunch break as I ate my caesar salad. I took a huge bite that had too many croutons in it when the phone rang. It was inconvenient not only because I began laughing when I remembered number 2 on the list but also because I actually answered the phone. Croutons all over my computer screen.
That instance didn't make the list but it is a funny visual. The following list is in no particular order. Cheers!
1.) Being kicked out of not one but two bars consecutively for doing a Mexican hat dance wearing an authentic Mexican poncho, huge sombrero and perfectly drawn-on Sharpie mustache. I exited to applause and by security at both establishments, respectively.
2.) Convincing a girl at a bar in Ottawa that I was Gene Simmons' son (Nick Simmons) and her taking me home with her only to realize I was not in fact Gene Simmons' son far to late. I'll let you decide if there is a striking similarity or that this girl was just strikingly dumb.
3.) Winning the first and only legitimate fist fight I have ever been in.
4.) Surviving Las Vegas -
A.) First visit, took acid and went to a burlesque show but had to leave early when an elderly obese man sitting next to me began talking dirty to himself. I left the theatre by rolling down the stairs in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.
B.) I was hit by a taxi cab, rolled off the hood and the cabbie sped off. I then got a beer and shrugged it off.
C.) I woke up in a random bed 15 minutes outside of Vegas to an old lady screaming at me in Spanish. I grabbed my clothes, ran out and waited 15 minutes in the parking lot before the girl that brought me there came out to explained that was her mom and she gave me a very silent/awkward ride back to Caesar's Palace.
5.) Actually getting down the intermediate course on the mountain in Vail the first time I went snow boarding. Regardless of the fact that ski patrol was begging me to stop because they couldn't watch it anymore.
6.) Living inside a make-shirt fort in my UCLA dorm room my first summer in LA. The maids never took it down, changed my sheets and even cleaned one of the bongs sitting next to my mattress. Things went down in that fort that shall never be spoken of outside the fort.
7.) Calling Dee Snider from Twisted Sister a douche bag to his face.
8.) Having the OG of the West Adams Crips set over to my apartment. I wanted to shoot a video on his block and no white person that wasn't a cop had done that in years. He was one of the most polite and respectful people I have ever met in my life. He showed me nothing but love and let me shoot the video on his block.
9.) Creating The Ice Cream Cone Assassin character. This began with me discovering the incredible costume in my friend's closet. I loved it so much I wore it out to the bars and to victory in a Halloween contest. I loved it so much I made this trailer for a faux-action movie for my film class. Nobody got it. I mean not a single soul said a word for a very long time after I showed it in class. I just sat in the back of the room giggling and feeling extremely weird.
10.) Living up to my word to all my friend's back home when I said I was going to come out here and own it. I have tossed around a whole lot of horse manure in my day but I have always been very serious when I say "It don't stooooooooop!" Because it sure as hell hasn't.
With Love & Respect Always,
Mike James