The Hollywood Holla
By: Mike James
6/25/08
 
“When I was very young and the urge to be someplace else was on me, I was assured by mature people that maturity would cure this itch.”

-John Steinbeck “Travels with Charley”

I was at a house party in Ottawa, Canada with my friend Frank Merendino when it was suggested to me by someone at the party that I should read “Travels with Charley”. I was explaining my plans for the summer. Five weeks in Canada, Bonnaroo, drive across the country to LA, nine weeks in LA, drive back across the country stopping just in time for two nights of Dave Matthews at Alpine Valley in Wisconsin.

I immediately bought the book and was enthralled with Steinbeck’s tale of his search for the “real” America. His search for truth, his ability to see grey in between the black and the white and passion for the unknown was an inspiration. As anyone who knows me, knows, I suffer from what I like to call “itchy feet”. I can’t settle down in one place for long before wanting to be someplace else.

As I write this I will have officially lived in LA thirty days. Not a long time. But oh so much has happened. Since moving out everything has kind of felt like riding a rollercoaster with all the nuts screwed half way on.

I believe where I last left off I was anticipating getting a job with Santa Monica Video as a delivery guy. Good pay, full benefits, an ideal situation but something didn’t sit right with me. I got great vibes from everyone at the office but something was definitely like a hangnail there, totally capable of working right around it but noticeably annoying.

Then I get a call from an exec. at GSN (Game Show Network) and he’s telling me that they are launching a new GSN Radio and he wants to talk to me about being a production assistant. I say hell yea, game shows rock, I’ve got radio creds, I’m in. Then I get a call from SMV they say they want to give me the job. This is right after GSN calls and says they want to interview me. Mind you there is entire different situation that is currently being played out while I’m talking to these two places on the phone.

I was up in the hills at this kid’s house I met on set washing his sugar daddy’s car. I should probably explain the sugar daddy part, but I’ll get to that in a minute. I was shooting a music video for Rocstar and this kid tells me he has a blue 1970 Ford Torino GTS convertible. Considering also that my client Rocstar is an active West Blvd. Crip member it couldn’t be more perfect. He tells me I can use it as long as I help him wash it. Absolutely I say.

Little did I know that he lives with this big shot writer who wrote some episodes of Six Feet Under. He also failed to mention that this guy lived with this other famous artist, who’s work I didn’t recognize but was very good. This writer is kind of giving back by paying for all this dude’s shit because his dad gave him his first job. This is slightly similar to the whole Donny Whalberg giving his brother the charity of his own Funky Bunch, to provide some context.

Anyway, we wash the car. Then the guy comes out and tells us to wash his other cars. Then we are doing the interior. It’s around this point where I play the “well it’s getting late, I better get going” card. Then my phone rings. GSN asks for interview. SMV offers me the job. Other dude who I am here just because I want to use his car and not do bitch work for his sugar daddy is yelling at me. Pandemonium.

Luckily I have read Richard Nelson Bolles book “What Color Is Your Parachute?”

http://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2008/dp/1580088678/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214188580&sr=8-1

I highly recommend this book for anyone regardless of employment situation. I referred to the text and followed the procedure for having to inform a company that you are interviewing with another before you can accept the job. It worked and I proceeded to interview with GSN without pissing off SMV.

The interview went great or I thought so. I felt like I was more than qualified and it seemed like a good fit. The producer I interviewed with wasn’t even employed by GSN. He was a marketing consultant hired by GSN to staff and then eventually promote the radio show. He was yawning so I cracked a joke that he needed to hire a hard worker like me so he could get more sleep. He laughed but I think it was a reflex.

 At the end of the interview he introduced me to someone and he told me I seemed like a fine young man with my head screwed on right. I agreed my head was screwed but I’m not necessarily on right.

I pushed the button to head down the elevator when I hear a voice yelling from the door I had just walked out of.

“HEY!”

The producer was standing at the door with his hands cupped around his mouth. For some reason he felt the 20 feet between us needed amplification.

“How about you hold off on those video people, ah?”

“Sure, sure of course” I stuttered out as the elevator door closed on my waving arm.

“Sounds like you knocked it dead” said a random guy in the elevator.

“You god damn right I knocked it dead. I fucking killed it. I’m the shit man. You haven’t even heard about me!” I said in my head as I humbly nodded my head and smiled.

I didn’t just walk out of the GSN offices that day I flew. In fact in a very strange turn of events I flew right past Kurt Loder from MTV news as he was walking in. He might of winked at me. I’m not sure.

So, brimming with confidence I walked to my car.

No parking ticket. Awesome.

I called Santa Monica Video and asked for the Vice President of Operations. I boldly told him that I thought SMV was a fantastic company, one that anyone involved with should be proud of. I told him I realized he was offering a very good, secure job but I didn’t think it was the best option for me. My heart was with GSN and I would wait to hear back from them. He said he appreciated my honesty and straight-forwardness. He thought I was making the right decision to go with my gut and to call him whenever.

Now we play the waiting game. It’s difficult to precisely pin down what an “A-typical” day in Hollywood is because that’s impossible. As I write this I’ve been here over thirty days but it seems so much longer, but not really. The in-between business times involve a lot of Wii, a lot Tecante and a lot of weed. Throw in a little gym time and that pretty much sums it up. Which brings me right back around my next iron in the fire.

I joined LA fitness on Hollywood Blvd. and it’s fantastic. Great chick-to-dude ratio, in door basketball court, sauna, hot tub and of course a really hyped up Asian chick with fake tits and gives out way to many high-fives. I get to chatting with one of the trainers through somebody else and he says he knows someone that  needs someone that can do a work-out video on the cheap. It didn’t take long to talk my way into getting this guy’s number and calling him. Apparently this dude has the top selling workout on iTunes and wants to make a video to go with it. He wants to use that tape to pitch a reality show.
Of course I ran into some problems with saying I can produce a workout video. I have no equipment, no crew and most importantly no money. However the golden gift of gab provided two production assistants, a director of photography from Academy of Arts in Pasedena, an editor to do all the post and his brother conviently does graphic design for my cover and DVD authoring. This, of course, all fell into place after I sold the trainer on a $3,000 budget.

The shoot is in Runyon Park July 12th. Runyon Park is one of a couple parks that you can shoot at without the $450 permit. If my numbers turn out right and nothing goes terribly wrong I’ll make a cool grand for talking on the phone, showing up on set and telling people what to do then finally delivering a finished product. I’m constantly patting myself on the back for my career choice.

Fast forward a few days or something like that and I’m at my mailbox. There is a letter from GSN. This is it. The moment of truth.

To summarize:

Dearest Mike James:

Thanks for taking the time to come in and interview with us. We realize that you told Santa Monica Video to go fuck them selves after you interviewed with us and we appreciate that as well. Unfortunately we are completely full of shit and don’t have a position for you at this time but we will keep your resume as bedding for the production staff’s gerbal, Murray.

Whatever, fuck it. Here is where I am sitting currently. I had another interview with America’s Funniest Home Video’s last week. No, Bob Saget is not the host anymore. Yes, I do feel like I nailed it but I feel like I do every time. I did get an email from my lady I interviewed with thanking me for the e-card I sent her after the interview featuring a kitten singing “We Built This City.”
Pending the Actor’s strike doesn’t screw things up I’m heading to Palm Springs Sunday for a shoot. My buddy got me on has assistant prop-master on a show that is supposed to be a raunchy version of Friends for FOX.

I am currently editing Rocstar’s debut video “Check My Resume” and hope to have a rough cut done by Friday early morning. According to his manager/mother someone from BET is going to take a look at it. I’ve been working on it since Thursday but Six Feet Under Seasons one-three have side tracked me severely.

On a personal note my heart goes out to everyone in Franklin who was affected by the floods. From the pictures I’ve seen on Flickr and talking to people it sounds terrible. I hope this email finds everyone well. It warmed my heart to hear back from so many of the people that I sent it out to. I urge you to forward this on to anybody. Anyone who might modestly appreciate it, send it!

Everyone heading to Michigan this weekend for Rothbury have a killer time. Don’t get busted by 5-0 and don’t buy bunk acid.

Ok. Time to pinch this off.

I really miss everyone. This week the waiting and the ups and downs kind of got to me for the first time since I had been out. But the minute it does somebody will call just wanting to know what’s up or someone will knock on my door which always leads to something interesting.

I think I’ve been on a hunt for something interesting my whole life. Now the chase is starting to get hot in the race to destiny. I’m just another competitor in the Grand Race. A Road Man for the Lords of Karma. With Love & Respect,
 
Your friend,
 
Mike James
mikejamesproductions@mac.com
www.thefranklinonline.com/user/mjames
www.youtube.com/mikejamesproductions
2034 Argyle Ave. Apt. 303
Hollywood CA, 90068