Victory in Silverlake

Uncle Leroy's best birthday ever quickly changed when everyone told him it was a fake lottery ticket. We're sorry Uncle Leroy. 

They say a picture says a thousand words. I could leave you with that and the picture of this gentleman to describe how it feels to finally be done moving and getting settled in to my new spot but then you wouldn't be able to enjoy the comedic value of the hell that is moving. 

Anyone that has moved before would agree they would gladly take a prostate exam before having to move their crap somewhere else. Which is ironic because considering how uncomfortable a prostate exam at least your shit stays put and its over soon. 

I have finally settled in kicked my feet back and exhaled in my new quaint apartment nestled into corner of the city that feels like a place called home. My view now is of the Silverlake hills dotted by expensive boxes topped with stucco instead of another building a few feet away and  only a fourth of a visible tree. 

No doubt this is a major upgrade. I feel like a conquering warrior to go from where I was to where I am now. Specifically where I am at is my bedroom. Yup, I got a bedroom. It's another place to go besides the other rooms at my place. Wow, OTHER ROOMS. 

Like everything in California the real estate market is strange. I met a couple renters that were rather aggressive in their questioning about my qualifications. One guy that showed me a place in Burbank looked and sounded exactly like a skinnier more health conscious version of The Comic Book guy on The Simpsons.

Picture this but keep in mind I'm also twenty minutes late. 

Me: I'm so sorry dude I was downtown and the 101 is a fucking parking lot. 

Comic Book Guy: You said you would be twenty minutes late. 

Me: Ah yea I rounded it down. I've been a bunch of places today and I'm not the best multi-tasker. 

Comic Book Guy: What intersection where you at downtown?

(This is the first lie Comic Book catches me in but not the last before this visit is finished.)

Me: I was at um...3rd and 4th. 

(I was actually in Hollywood standing in line at the Kogi BBQ truck. I seriously would do terrible things for an endless supply of their short ribs.)

Comic Book Guy: That just doesn't make any sense those streets run parallel with one another. Did you mean or instead of and?

Me: Either. I mean it was  3rd st...ish. 

Comic Book Guy: Well let's go inside so I can show you the unit before you waste any more of my time. 

We go inside. 

Comic Book Guy: As you can see their is new carpeting downstairs and it's all wood upstairs. If you must paint the walls I suggest only painting upstairs unless you think you can avoid getting any paint on the newly installed carpet in this particular unit. 

Me: No dude it's cool. That shade of green matches my bong beautifully. 

(The scowl that was in development when I walked up has now blossomed into a full fledged V on his forehead.)

Comic Book Guy: There will be no DRUUUUUUGS on the premises. 

Me: I just joking with you. 

Comic Book Guy: Tell me what it is that you do please. 

Me: You probably wouldn't think it's very funny if I told you I was an out of work comedian would you?

Comic Book Guy: Not one bit. 

Me: Fine. I'm a non-sexual male escort. So how's the parking? 

Comic Book Guy: Do you think you are funny or something I've had a lot of trouble in the past with young people that is why I have to ask these questions. I need to know you will not be a disturbance. 

Me: Trust me sir I'm as quiet as they come. I mean I don't look like someone who enjoys loud music, jokes and pot do I?

So Burbank is lame anyway why would I want to live there? When I finally found this place it was obvious that this would be where I planted roots. 

A Roadman for The Lords of Karma has to always be ready to move. You never know when duty will call and where it will beckon from. I've lived many different places in my 23 years, some of them longer than others but each place I have stayed no manner for how long each experience shares a common thread. Packing up and leaving. It sucks. Not always because you totally over packed, over slept and running late but sometimes it because you have to leave. 

As I was sweeping my empty studio in Hollywood I thought about all the places over the last few years that I've left and how even though I loved where I was at during the time I was there I was so anxious and excited to move on to something else, something new. 

Then I saw this gigantic dust ball that had collected behind my computer desk. I mean this thing was massive. I thought if I believed in Voodoo magic I could form a dust ball doll with it by tying it together with twine and have some sort of black magic control over apartment 303. Then I realized that was ridiculous and went back to thinking deep thoughts. 

Several years ago Italy was difficult to leave. Mainly because there was ice on the run way that delayed our plane 45 minutes but also because of it being the first time I had ventured out to find a life changing experience and had found it. 

That's life. Sometimes you stay sometimes you go. I've been doing a lot of going lately (Editor's Note: Mike has already used up his one prostate joke for this issue. The following joke has been altered. Thank you.) I think I'll stay here for awhile. 

With Love & Respect, 

Mike James